Experts praise forward-thinking decision to repackage their condoms as the first step in tackling teen pregnancy. After noticing 100% of their sales came from the ‘Large’ size, they adjusted the sizing names to better suit the fragile teen ego. It is being hailed as the greatest advancement since the invention of the pillow pet. The mastermind behind this decision, Gina Windlan, said “Now boys can finally buy appropriately sized condoms without feeling shame at the checkout counter.” Teens around the country have taken to social media to brag about the updated size of their members. A 17-year-old claims, “It’s so relieving that the mildly attractive clerk in her mid-40’s will know what kind of heat I’m packing. As soon as school gets out, I’m buying as many as I can afford.”
Unfortunately, the action has not appeared to have its desired effect, as the company is now reporting that only the ‘Earth-shattering’ size is being purchased. Perhaps new sizing standards will have a greater effect.
The Broken Board 